A short episode of Bob and Larry today... I am not entirely sure where this is going, only that I want Bob and Larry to have an adventure of some sort together. In case you want to read the previous episodes...
Sunday dawned gray and colorless. Bob awoke refreshed. The fresh air and exercise from yesterday must have been good for him. He rolled out of bed and began his morning routine. After selecting his morning playlist on his MP3 player, got in the shower. After showering and shaving he sat down to breakfast. As he ate he scanned a few news sites on his laptop. Although he read several, the link on his shortcut list always pointed to the Tech section. Any other news bored him with its irrelevance to his world.
As he scrubbed his dishes off in the sink afterwards, Bob noticed the first few sprinkles of rain splattering across the kitchen window. Worry briefly flickered across his face but he quickly shoved it out of his mind.
When the power went out, Bob was immersed in a thick book of obscure technical knowledge. The sudden sound startled him back to the present and he realized that rain was pounding furiously on the windows and that the trees outside were whipping wildly in the wind. The sudden silence in the house felt thick and ominous, and what little light there was coming through the windows was sickly and yellow. Bob looked out nervously and watched pieces of a neighbor's roof fly past. The roar of the wind increased and now he could hear other pieces of debris hitting the outside of his house, then the sound of glass shattering. Bob jumped and ran away from the window, not sure what to do.
As he scrubbed his dishes off in the sink afterwards, Bob noticed the first few sprinkles of rain splattering across the kitchen window. Worry briefly flickered across his face but he quickly shoved it out of his mind.
When the power went out, Bob was immersed in a thick book of obscure technical knowledge. The sudden sound startled him back to the present and he realized that rain was pounding furiously on the windows and that the trees outside were whipping wildly in the wind. The sudden silence in the house felt thick and ominous, and what little light there was coming through the windows was sickly and yellow. Bob looked out nervously and watched pieces of a neighbor's roof fly past. The roar of the wind increased and now he could hear other pieces of debris hitting the outside of his house, then the sound of glass shattering. Bob jumped and ran away from the window, not sure what to do.
Somewhere in the back of his mind he remembered hearing something about taking shelter in a bathtub, so he sprinted down the hall to the bathroom. With no external windows and no electricity, the room was pitch black and in his haste, Bob collided with the toilet and fell writhing in pain on the floor. As he lay there he heard a new sound, like a giant beast growling in fury as the timbers of his house began to fail under the strain. Bob scrabbled to climb into the bathtub and huddled on the bottom, shaking with terror as his house disintegrated around him.
© 2009 Tyler Willson. All rights reserved
The only critique I have is that it progresses very fast, but other than that you write with great description. There was not a moment of boredom in it!
ReplyDeleteI think you are right, it goes way too fast. On rewrite, I think we will get some more detail about Bob's morning routine. This will give me a chance to further flesh out his neurotic personality defects. I have GOT to work Larry in there before the tornado too...
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