Showing posts with label Piker Press. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Piker Press. Show all posts

Monday, November 15, 2010

Jonah and Heinrich in the Piker Press!



For those of you familiar with the saga of Heinrich the Beetle, and those who would like some background, I was encouraged by Sand Pilarski to write a sonnet about it. Of course, when I tried a sonnet, it was nearly impossible to write about something so whimsical as a boy and his pet bug in such a stilted format. So I just started rhyming, and out came the voice of Dr. Seuss.

OK, I will be the very first to point out many errors in rhyme and rhythm - but I still love the poem, and I hope to get my wonderful sister to illustrate it to make it into a children's book.

Stand by for more on that...

Enjoy!

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Here it comes again...




I had almost convinced myself that I would completely ignore November this year. Last year was such a let-down; I couldn't even get into the Urinal Cakes thread with any sort of enthusiasm. Is my NaNoMoJo gone forever? Maybe.

Nevertheless, my good pals over at the Piker Press have been exerting a bit of peer pressure. KK for example made his participation conditional upon mine. "I'll do it if you do it." OK, if the old guy can do it, why can't I?

So that decision is made. Now, what to write? Start something completely new? Just head on over to the Seventh Sanctum and generate a random plot and get to work? This might be a good idea. Starting fresh with no preconceived notions of where I am going has worked well in the past. And yet I still feel that I would do better with a well thought out outline.

There are a couple of works-in-progress (meaning moldering away in that huge "I'll get to it" pile...) that I could pick up. This would technically be a bending of the NaNo rules, but would be serving a higher purpose: to get me writing again.

There is "The Education of Fred" which I have written a few scenes from. There is Zeniff the Spaceman and his trusty mining droid. I really have been wondering how he will get off that desert moon. "The Boy Named Sue" was a pretty good idea I had a few years ago, until I decided to make it a sci-fi western and tried to insert some old characters from another unfinished novel.

Whatever I decide to do, what Lao Tzu said about a journey of a thousand miles is true about writing a novel: it begins with a single word. (OK, he said step. But I am sure you knew that already.) I haven't done any writing at all for several months. This blog entry stands as the first writing of any kind I have done.

It also serves as a single step. Only 50,000 to go.

Wish me luck!

© 2010 Tyler Willson. All rights reserved

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Traveling With Kids - In the Piker Press

Another fragment of my failed 2009 NaNovel has made its way back to life as a short story on the Piker Press.

A short, semi-autobiographical story of my first road trip with a child in tow.

Traveling With Kids

Friday, January 8, 2010

A Sonnet? No, Seriously!

I was digging through some old poetry to submit to the Piker Press, when my wonderful wife said: "Why are you submitting that old stuff? Why don't you write some new poems to submit?" Well, that was a good question. Why not? I think because my poetical muse has gone on a permanent vacation. My life is too easy now, not enough pain to inspire poetry. Maybe I have grown up, and my taste in writing has moved on to more mature material. Or maybe these are all just excuses.
This morning she made me promise to write her a poem today. I thought about it once or twice during the day, but nothing came to mind. Then, when I got home from work I was working on my assignment for the Writer's Round Table and she asked if I was working on her sonnet. "A sonnet? Seriously? I have to write you a sonnet?" Of course I did... that was my punishment for taking all day long to write her poem.
So I wrote a sonnet. It reminded me of why I hate rhyming poetry, but it also reminded me that poetry can be fun.

I also remembered how much I love my wife, and how important she is to me. No matter how cheesy and overly sentimental this poem may sound, every line is true.

I hope you enjoy it too.


Sonnet Number One
In your face I see my life, my love, more.
In your heart I find my destiny too.
In your hands I feel safe, loved and secure.
In my mind life is empty without you.


When I looked for direction you found me.
When I hoped for a friend you were the one.
When I wondered what happiness might be.
When you gave to me new life in the sun.

How did I live before you came to me?
How did you bring me such meaning and joy?
How did your love change my life so fully?
How to express what so much I enjoy?

Each day I wake and thank God for your love.
Each hour I live like a gift from above.



© 2010 Tyler Willson. All rights reserved

Monday, December 28, 2009

Back in the saddle! The tattered remnant of my NaNovel

Just so that NaNoWriMo was not a complete and utter failure, I have scavenged some usable material for a short story just in time for the Piker Press "Time Travel" issue. I have submitted, but not yet had accepted the following much abridged version of Schrodinger's Mother-In-Law's Cat.

Enjoy!



Tonight. He would do the cat tonight. And by Monday, he would be free.

He never liked the cat in the first place. He came with Marla’s mother when she came to help out with the pregnancy. Then, along with Edna, the cat never left. Made itself at home in his own house. Helped itself to water from his toilet if its own dish was empty. Helped itself to leftovers on the counter or table if they didn’t get put away quick enough. Relieved itself on the bathmat in his bathroom if the litter box did not get changed each and every morning. Scratched on the door when it wanted to come in. Scratched until it had worn the paint off the door and shredded the weather stripping. Scratched even though it was three in the morning and continued scratching even though nobody else in the house seemed able to hear it. Scratched until Will got out of bed and staggered downstairs to open the door.

But no more. The cat was going to die. A long, anguished and painful death. The way Will had suffered long pain and anguish since Edna brought him into the house.

In the darkness of an old tool box in the garage, Will had placed a dish of antifreeze. He had studied up on the effects of antifreeze poisoning. Intoxication, diarrhea, vomiting, cramping, and finally death. It wasn’t quick, but it was painful. Perfect for that damn cat.

It was easy enough to lure the cat into the garage. It was a sucker for raw chicken. More than once Will had asked Marla not to feed the cat chicken scraps as she was chopping it up for dinner, but she continued anyway. Now Will was grateful that she had trained the cat so well. He dangled the moist pink meat in his fingers and walked slowly backwards into the garage. The cat followed tentatively. It had to know how much Will hated it. He rarely allowed it to be in the same room with him, was usually chased out with a vicious kick if there were no witnesses. If there were witnesses, he would simply snarl and hiss at it and slap at it with his hand until it ran from the room. He took a lot of static for even that, but everyone knew exactly how he felt about that cat. Well, they had an idea how he felt. They just had no idea how utterly deep his hatred ran.

The cat was sitting next to the box now, and looking suspicious. Will decided that it would not jump into the box itself, so he brought the bit of meat closer and closer to the cat’s reaching claws even as he reached his other hand towards the scruff of its neck. The cat’s eyes darted back and forth from the tantalizing treat and the empty hand moving closer and closer. Will monitored its attention carefully, not wanting to break the spell of the raw meat. Then, he sprung the trap.

His empty hand flashed downwards and grabbed a handful of skin and fur. He only had to lift it up a foot and drop it in the box, but even so as he did the cat managed to get its claws into his arm. They opened up several long gashes in parallel lines up his forearm which were deep enough that blood immediately began dripping from them. Even so, Will persisted. He dropped the cat in the box with one hand and slammed the lid closed with the other. It was a heavy metal tool box, something he had inherited from his father, and which had been in his family for years. It had a worn radioactivity symbol and writing in some foreign language on the side that looked German to Will. Most important to Will, it had a heavy hasp on the lid and a large padlock chained to it. He worried for a moment as he listened to the cat struggle and snarl inside the box about whether it would spill the dish of antifreeze. Then he decided it didn’t matter. Even if it did spill the antifreeze and get it all over, it would eventually lick the sweet liquid off its fur coat and ingest the poison. At least he hoped so. He had at least seventy-two hours for something like that to happen.

After a few moments, the clamor inside the box quieted. Will imagined the cat’s evil green eyes shining in the darkness, waiting for him to re-open the lid so that it could renew its attack on his arm. He grinned with satisfaction as he instead closed the heavy hasp and inserted the padlock. The snick of the lock closing sounded like pure paradise to Will, and he decided to celebrate his weekend of freedom with a drink or six.

Besides his newfound freedom from the cat, he was also free of the rest of his family until late Sunday night. Even though the trip to the amusement park in the next state had been planned for months, Will informed Marla that he had been feeling a bit ill lately (a complete lie) and that wandering around the sun-baked pavement for hours would be intolerable (the complete truth.) She gave him that look that said she was altogether convinced he had something up his sleeve, but all too easily shrugged and conceded that since Edna was coming along she could handle it by herself.

As will sat in his recliner watching some anonymous sporting event on the TV and sipping a rather oversized glass of Captain Morgan and Coke, (more Captain Morgan than Coke, truth be told) he couldn’t keep his mind off the fate of the cat in the box. Had it licked up any of the antifreeze yet? Or was it simply huddled there, too upset to think of either drinking or grooming and waiting for him to open the lid? Was it sick and dying? Or alive and well and building up a serious grudge against him for imprisoning it? As the liquid in his glass went lower and lower, the images his increasingly befuddled mind became stranger and stranger. The cat was immune to antifreeze, and instead was turning into some sort of mutant beast like in a comic book. Any minute now, it would tear through the metal walls of its prison and come seeking revenge.

He also imagined the family arriving home unexpectedly and having to explain the dead or dying animal in his toolbox in the garage. He could see Edna’s face screwing itself up into that gorgon-like expression of rage he had only seen (thankfully!) once or twice since meeting Marla. Now that he thought about it, he realized that one of those times had been when she caught him punting the cat out of his bathroom. She really took abuse of her cat more personally than she would abuse of even her own person. How would she react to his macabre scheme?

He was certain he did not care to find out. To steady his nerves on that point, he picked up the phone and dialed the number for Marla’s cell phone. They had just arrived at the hotel and were still checking in; she didn’t really have time to talk, and the kids were already changing into their swimsuits right there in the lobby so they could go jump in the pool. Will hung the phone up and refilled his Cap’n and Coke, forgetting to add any Coke at all this time. At least he was feeling good on that point. No unexpected returns to worry about for now anyway.

The game dragged on and on, until Will wondered why he was watching it anyway. He started idly flipping through channels, interspersed with swigs of the Cap’n – now straight from the bottle - there was no longer any need to lie to himself and even include Coke in the equation. As he flipped through the channels he thought he caught his own last name, but his reactions being a bit retarded by his friend The Cap'n, he went a few channels past before his hand got the message to stop. He had to carefully go back to find the program in question, but when he did he was more than a little disturbed to find what its subject was. Apparently Einstein had an associate who shared his last name, and that together they had discussed some sort of experiment involving a cat and a locked box. Will tried to follow the extremely technical details of the program, but found his eyes were getting much too heavy to be able to accept input on a topic as foreign to him as quantum mechanics, whatever that meant. He pulled a blanket over himself, allowed the remote to fall to the floor and was soon snoring with the nearly empty bottle of rum tucked securely under his arm.

The screeching noise startled Will from his medicated stupor with a suddenness that set his heart to pounding frantically. The world swam before his eyes, and for a few seconds, he was terrified to think that he was having a heart attack. He pressed his hand to his chest, wondering if it was possible to give oneself CPR. He could feel his heart pumping through his shirt, but as his drunken mind struggled to full consciousness he could feel the rate of his pulse receding and he took a few deep breaths to calm himself down. He looked up at the television and found the source of the screech. The station had gone off the air and was now displaying a multicolored test pattern. He muttered under his breath insults and curses for whatever idiot decided it was a good idea to broadcast such a strident sound in the middle of the night. He hunted around for the remote control, finally finding it well under his recliner and turned the TV off. The sudden silence in the dark house seemed much louder by comparison, and Will shivered with a sudden feeling of foreboding. He was still clutching the bottle of rum, and he polished it off in an attempt to banish the feeling. As he swallowed the last bit of the fiery liquid, he jumped again at what he swore was the sound of a cat meowing.

The sound brought back with unpleasant suddenness the memory of his crime. Was it possible that even if it were still alive that he could hear it all the way in here? The living room was on the far side of the house from the garage, and the heavy steel box should be nearly sound proof. He tipped the bottle up once more, and was highly disappointed to remember that he had just emptied it. He looked at the smiling pirate on the label and cursed him for abandoning him in his time of need. He tossed the empty bottle at the trash can, but missed by a rather large margin. He didn’t bother to pick it up and try again. Instead he staggered into the kitchen to see if there was any more Captain Morgan in the liquor cabinet over the fridge.

Unfortunately, there wasn’t. Fortunately, the Captain’s cousin Jose Cuervo was.

Will hated tequila, but right now he needed something to banish the feeling of dread that seemed to be pouring out of the garage right now. He never thought he would be so remorseful for killing something that needed killing as much as that cat. And yet, he found himself jumping at sounds, and turning suddenly to follow shadows that seemed to dance through the darkened kitchen. After a good long pull from the bottle of tequila, Will walked around the house turning on every light. It must just be the darkness and emptiness of a home so normally filled with noise and life. When he finished, he turned the TV back on and found an old cheesy sitcom with a particularly loud and obnoxious laughtrack to banish the silence and emptiness of the house.

And yet, the dread remained.

Finally, Will decided that it was time to face the cat. Checking the clock on the microwave he saw that it had been nearly six hours ago that he had shut the cat in the box. Not nearly enough time for the poison to have done its work, but it should be enough that he could see evidence of sickness. He shouldn’t even need to open the box – he could shake it and see if the cat made any noise inside. If it sounded healthy, he might even decide to abandon the whole enterprise and take the cat to the shelter tomorrow. He could concoct a story of a stray dog, or a speeding driver, or something. Anything would be better than the horrible feeling he was practically swimming through right now.

The garage light came on weakly. The newfangled compact fluorescent bulbs always took a minute to come up to full brightness, and he hated the sickly light they gave until then. He went down the few steps into the garage, and walked across the floor. The smell of the litter box assaulted his nostrils, and gave him just a small bit of encouragement. If the cat was dead, he could get rid of that horrible thing and not have to smell it every time he came out here anymore. The box sat right where he left it, although it looked somehow... different. He took another long pull from the tequila bottle, hoping it would help his eyes to focus better in the dim light. (Or, better yet, make them not focus at all?) The box on the floor sat there stolidly, though Will was sure the radiation symbol painted on the side looked somehow... different. More there perhaps? Less worn, less touched by age.

That was it! The box looked as if it had been gone over with a polishing rag. Gone were the grease smudges and dents and dings that it had acquired over the years as Will, his father, his grandfather, and who knows who else had carted it around to various repair jobs. It fairly shone in the dim light, the only think still looking as he remembered it being the padlock.

That feeling of disquiet suddenly returned with a vengeance, and Will found himself scrabbling madly at the top of the tequila bottle as his panicked brain demanded more anesthetic to ward it off. When he finished another good long pull of the bitter liquid, Will felt a bit light-headed and decided he had better sit down before his friend Jose showed him to his seat unwillingly. He managed to drag out a dusty camp chair and get it unfolded before he collapsed into it, facing the box.

He sat and stared at it for a while, his alcohol-soaked mind running through the possible explanations for the apparent refurbishment of his tool-box. It didn't get very far. He decided to consult Jose again. He was no help either. Will decided to get closer. Not being too confident in his ability to walk, he slid the camp chair closer. He was now sitting close enough to reach out and touch the box, but the waves of dread he felt pouring off of the newly shiny surface were now almost tangible. He stared at it for a few moments, mesmerized by the way the light played off of the shiny surface. The writing on the side was clear and easy to see, and something told Will that it was not German, but Austrian. How he knew that, he had no idea, but at the same time he got the idea that he could also read it. He snorted laughter as that idea staggered through his mind, and shaking his head sent another shot of tequila after it.

The laughter seemed to somehow break the spell of doom and gloom that the box had seemed to have been casting over him. He decided he was being stupid, and that he was letting his inebriated imagination wander much too far and wide tonight. What was there to be afraid of? It was just a stupid old box, and inside was just a stupid old cat that was probably retching itself to death about now. Will decided that the time had come to stop being a baby. After a quick swig of liquid courage, he reached out a hand and grabbed the handle on top of the box.

He flinched as his skin made contact with the metal. It was hot, and seemed to be vibrating slightly as if a weak electrical current were running through it. Will almost snatched his hand back, but then, feeling a bit foolish he hardened his resolve and kept it there. The metal was definitely hot, though not enough to burn the skin. And the odd vibration could not be dismissed as imagination. Something odd was definitely happening, though he could not quite wrap his mind around what it might be. Remembering his purpose in coming out to the garage, he steeled himself (and ensured that his feet were, in fact, firmly planted on the floor...) and strained back on the handle.

Will had fully intended only to rock the box back a little, just enough to let it fall back to the garage floor with a thump. Nothing too energetic, just enough to ensure that if the cat were simply sleeping inside it would wake up and make some noise. Hopefully enough to terrorize it and make it snarl or hiss or something loud enough that he could hear it and make a guess as to its status. What happened was something entirely different. When he pulled on the handle, the entire world seemed to slip sideways like a car on an icy road slips sideways when the wheels lose traction. Bracing his feet more firmly against the floor had no effect, as the floor itself was slipping with him. Will felt terror welling up in his throat again, and he dropped the tequila bottle and grabbed at the handle on the box with both hands, as it seemed to be the only solid thing in the universe. Indeed, even the shape and color of everything in the garage, with the exception of the locked box were losing their focus and cohesion and began swirling and slipping into incoherence. Will closed his eyes and gritted his teeth, a scream of terror locked in his paralyzed lungs. His feet suddenly lost contact with the floor, and his butt lost contact with the chair and he seemed to be hanging over a pit with nothing to support him but the handle on the box. The vibration and heat increased until the pain in his hands became unbearable. Will hung on grimly, preferring the searing pain in his hands to the unknown fate awaiting him at the bottom of whatever pit had opened up beneath him. The pain increased in intensity as the vibration became a real electrical shock, eventually becoming so strong that his hands convulsed of their own accord and he lost his hold on the box and slipped backwards into oblivion.

"Is it your son? He looks a bit like you, a bit heavier perhaps..." The voice was heavily accented, sounded like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Only older, weaker, less real.

"I am not sure. He was only a boy when I last saw him." The voice is pleasantly familiar, from a deep crevice of memory locked away in the mists of childhood. His foggy brain screams that he knows that voice, but it is impossible, that person disappeared without a trace, no longer exists.

"Whoever it is, he seems to have recreated the experiment, if in a sloppy and inexact way." The foreign voice again. Will wanted to quote lines from The Terminator to it, but his voice did not yet seem to be functional. Still, the terror were gone and had been replaced by a sense of giddiness. He would have broken out in laughter had he been able to find his voice.

"Well, his mother always distrusted my work, and would most likely have steered him away from those pursuits. I would be surprised if he even knew about you." That voice. Will knew that voice. The face that matched it seemed to be floating just outside his consciousness. Why could he not place it? It seemed as familiar as his own...

"A foolish woman then. I never understood what you saw in her. Yet you were too headstrong..." Will laughed again at an image of The Terminator using a cane to walk, dentures falling out as he told the police officer he would be back.

"Wait... I think he is coming around. He seems to be trying to speak." Indeed, Will felt the tickle of vibration in his voice box, and realized that he was actually making sound. He decided to try and open his eyes and succeeded. The faces of two men coalesced out of the haze. One face, older and sickly. The other finally making the connection with the memory of his voice complete. Amazement, shock, disbelief all competed for space in Will's consciousness, all struggled to leap to the forefront and inform the first words out of his mouth. Hilarity came from behind and won by a mile.

"Are you Sarah Connor?" Will asked the grizzled old face and exploded in hysterical laughter. The faces continued to stare at him with interest, tinged with a bit of worry. He tried to stem the laughter, but only managed to squeak out a badly mangled "It's not a tumor..." before collapsing in full body laughter once again.

"Is it possible to lose your mind in transit?" The familiar voice said again, the worry evident in his voice. The accented voice answered, just as full of disdain: "Of course, anything is possible. An infinite number of possibilities with an infinite number of outcomes. He could have been a raving lunatic before entering the rift, or the transit through space-time may have torn his mind loose from its moorings. Especially considering the clumsy manner in which he set up the experiment." The disgust in the voice served at least to cool Will's hysterics.

"Wait, who are you calling clumsy?" he managed to gasp, then, turning to the familiar face managed to ask the question it presented him: "Are you really my father?"

When Will finally had full control of all his faculties the two men quizzed him unmercifully regarding the circumstances of his arrival. He seemed to be in some sort of scientific laboratory full of various and sundry instruments whose purpose he could not hazard the first guess. His father's assumption had been absolutely correct regarding his mother's suspicion of science. Particularly after the disappearance of her husband as he worked in his lab late one night. She always told her son that his father had died in a construction accident, rather than face the shame that he had deserted her. She never shared with Will the confusion at the door locked from the inside on the laboratory, the security guard who swore that nobody came into or left the lab all night long. All of these things were too painful for a suddenly single mother of three very young boys to face, and so she lied, and stood by her lies to her death bed. Will was the oldest, yet only three years old at the time and so neither he nor his brothers ever thought to question their mother's version of events. Never considered looking for any family on their paternal side, as their mother told them their father had been raised in an orphanage and had no family. Yet here he was, in a lab with a man whom he addressed as father. Will sat on the floor and considered the revelations he had just received. Not only was his father still alive, but so was his grandfather, and they were together.

"So, if you are my father, why do you look like you are my age? If I had to guess, I might even put you a little bit younger than me." Will looked quizzically at the man his memory shouted was his father, but which his intellect argued against just as strenuously.

"We are no longer connected to the space-time continuum as you know it. We no longer age. We don't get hungry, or thirsty, or sick, or have any physical afflictions at all. Our bodies are effectively in stasis. Time no longer pulls us forward." His grandfather answered, and Will was not comforted by the answer.

"I have no idea what the space-time thingy is, but does this mean I won't get sick or hungry or thirsty again too?" asked Will. The old man nodded, his face becoming even more haggard and old.

"Unfortunately yes, I am afraid you are trapped as I and your father are." Will felt a chill down his spine at the word 'trapped'. He had been considering a lifetime without illness and finding it rather appealing.

"What do you mean trapped? Never getting old, never dying? Isn't that what it's all about?" Will asked, not sure he wanted to hear the answer. The old man gestured hopelessly around the laboratory.

"Trapped, like a cat in a locked box. This is now the entirety of our universe. The door may as well be painted on the wall. It will not open, nor can we penetrate it or the walls. If I was a religious person, I would call this place Purgatory. As a scientist, I simply call it what it is: a rift in space-time created by a foolish experiment that we all seem to have recreated unknowingly." Tears sprang to the cloudy blue eyes, and the old man hid his face in his hands and sobbed. Will looked to his father for something, some refutation of the bleak prognosis and received only a confirming nod of his head.

"It is true. In here there is no passage of time. The clock on the wall mocks us, as does the calendar beneath it. We seem to breathe, but only out of habit. I once tried to commit suicide by covering my face with plastic, but soon realized that it was hopeless."

Will felt panic clawing at his throat for the third time. However, this time he felt a coldness that belied the hopelessness of the situation. He had made a successful career out of cleaning up the messes of others, and this seemed like a situation that called for his special talents.

"Tell me again about the experiment that brought us all here again. I want to be sure I understand." The old man continued sobbing softly into his hands, and Will turned to his father.

"Can you explain it?" His father shrugged.

"It was only to be a thought experiment, a way to explain quantum mechanics and the behavior of atomic particles. He proposed it to Einstein as a ridiculous case only to help understand the way in which the very act of observing quantum particles changed their behavior. It was only later in life that he began to understand that it may actually have a real world application - that the act of confining a conscious entity in an enclosed space with an uncertain and random means of death might be enough to affect the space-time continuum. He decided to try it, but not with a cat. He tried it on himself."

Will looked over at the frail old man who was no longer sobbing, but listening intently to the conversation. The old man nodded and continued.

"I was dying of tuberculosis anyway - the doctors had informed me that I had only months to live. I decided that I had nothing to lose. I said farewell to my family and friends and created my experiment with me as the cat and my lab as the box. I was only locked in for a couple of hours before the particle detector was triggered and the vial was broken." He gestured towards an odd-looking device on the counter. The hammer was frozen in the very act of smashing a glass vial filled with a greenish liquid. Shards of glass hung in the air around the hammer, and small streams of green liquid were spraying in all directions away from the cracks in the vial.

"I am not exactly sure what I expected to happen. What happened was that my physical existence was frozen in time, while my mental processes continue as if nothing happened. Then, after an eternity alone, suddenly a man appears in the lab with me. My son, reading over some of my notes has taken it into his foolish head to recreate my experiment and is consigned to the same static rift in space-time." Understanding began to dawn on Will. His father's disappearance while locked in his lab now made perfect sense. He had recreated the conditions of the experiment exactly, and had experienced the same result.

"So how did I end up here? I wasn't performing any experiment, I was just trying to kill an annoying cat." Will watched the faces of his father and grandfather as they puzzled through this question. Finally, his grandfather shrugged his shoulders.

"I suppose that since I created the rift, your father's experiment opened it wider, and you just got close enough that you slipped in." The despair in the old man's voice was evident, and Will felt his temper rising.

"So how do we 'slip' back into it and return to our proper time and place?" He asked, a bit impatiently. His father's eyes narrowed angrily.

"One of the most brilliant thinkers of the modern age, and his son have been puzzling over that for what seems to have been decades in realtime, and we are no closer to a solution than we have ever been. And unless you know something about quantum physics that we don't, I suggest you not act as if you are going to do any better than we have." Will looked from his father's angry face to his grandfather's resigned face and snorted in disgust.

"So I guess we just sit here in purgatory for eternity because you guys are simply too brilliant to see the answer then?" Scorn filled Will's voice as he stood up and strode across the lab while reaching in his pocket.

"What are you doing? What do you mean the answer?" his father's voice suddenly had a tinge of hope in it. Will ignored him and pulled the key from his pocket. The key to the padlock he had used to seal his mother-in-law's cat inside the box he had just spotted in the corner of the lab. As he approached it, he heard very faintly from inside the box that noise that filled his sleepless nights: the tireless claws of a certain black cat on the inside of the steel box.

Will woke up in the recliner, an empty bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey in one hand, and a black cat smelling strongly of antifreeze curled up on his chest. He smiled at the cat and stroked its sticky fur. It purred roughly and pushed its head against the pressure of his hand. In the kitchen, the sound of movement told him that either his father or grandfather was awake and looking for their first breakfast in decades.

Setting the cat gently on the floor beside the recliner, Will Schroedinger, grandson of Erwin and son of Robert went to help.

Schrodiger's mother-in-law's cat followed, hoping for a scrap of something.



© 2010 Tyler Willson. All rights reserved Mother-In-Law's cat followed, hoping for a scrap of something.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Witches in the Piker Press!

My latest story in the Piker Press:

Ready to Die? part one of two.

The "final" version of Assignment: Witches.

Note that the Press now has a place for comments after each article.

Enjoy!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Assignment: Witches (Conclusion)

Finally! I finished it! Now - for the re-writing... Sand - watch your inbox tomorrow. It will be there.

I promise!

Part One
Part Two

Part Three

Sammy slid the van to a stop at the end of the street. They could get no closer, due to a stack of rusty car bodies blocking the street. All seemed quiet for now, but the pall of battle still hung thick in the air over the entire neighborhood. They both sat in their seats for a moment, surveying the scene. Then, Nathaniel turned to Sammy and stuck out his hand.
"Sammy, I am sorry I upset you earlier. No matter what, it's been interesting working with you. I'll see you when we get wherever it is we're going buddy." Sammy looked at his hand incredulously before taking it and shaking it enthusiastically. "And I am telling you, the only place we are going after we turn in all these heads will be The Prancing Pony for a couple dozen brewskis." Nathaniel shook his head, but smiled anyway. "Let's go then." He said, then opened his door and stepped out onto the cracked pavement.
Neither said anything as they picked their way through the wreckage littering the street. Nathaniel pointed his caster at the empty windows of the houses they passed, but Sammy just walked with a determined pace and his trademark grin. Finally, they reached the house in question. Nathaniel double-checked the numbers on a flattened mailbox he found in the middle of the street, but it was painfully obvious that this was the place. The house itself was more or less untouched, the faint green glow around the edges revealing the spells of protection that were still intact. But everything within a hundred yards of the place had been blasted beyond all recognition. Smoking craters were everywhere, and the stump of what was once a large oak tree was burning fitfully. It's smoky flames cast weird shadows that danced fitfully across the yard. Nathaniel motioned with his caster at an upper window of the house where he thought he saw a shape moving and Sammy nodded. Pulling an adjustable frequency anti-magic grenade from his belt he gestured at the window and signaled for Nathaniel to be ready. Nathaniel glanced at the sensor mounted on his wrist and made note of the magical frequency used by the spells protecting the house. He fiddled with the control on his caster for a few seconds, while Sammy did the same with the the grenade. When they were ready, Nathaniel aimed his caster at the window, and Sammy pulled the pin. After a silent three-count Nathaniel triggered a three-spell burst at the window at the same instant that Sammy lobbed the grenade.

Yellow light flashed from the muzzle of the caster and impacted the window with its customary hum and crackle. The spells from the caster disrupted the protective spells for only an instant, but that was long enough for the grenade to crash through the glass and enter the house. Sammy and Nathaniel both dived for cover as the grenade detonated. Hoping their plan worked, but not having time to check the sensor to see, they both jumped up on the porch and ran to the door before the spells could be re-cast. For good measure, Sammy aimed a spell at the door hoping to blast it off its hinges. It worked, and they both followed the disintegrating door into the house. They did their customary tuck and roll, coming up with their blasters at the ready.

But there was nothing but dusty silence inside the house. They crouched for a full minute, scanning the house and waiting for something to appear. Nothing did. The only sound was their labored breathing and the crackling of flames somewhere upstairs.
"Check your sensors Nate." Sammy said. Nathaniel looked at his wrist. The protective spells around the house were gone and no other magical activity was within the range of its ability to detect.
"Clear Sammy... I don't seen anything." Nathaniel said. Sammy grinned and muttered, "Maybe they cleared out before we got here." Nathaniel doubted it. It had taken a lot of magical energy to cast a protective spell over the entire house, and he couldn't come up with a single reason why the witches would do that for an empty house. He shook his head. "Let's clear it room by room. It's too easy to fool the sensor." Sammy shrugged, "You got it boss. Let's start down this hallway." He nodded at the hallway just beyond his position behind a moldy sofa and Nathaniel nodded in agreement. Raising his caster he sprinted across the room and stopped just outside the hall. "Go!" he shouted to Sammy, who sprinted past him and down the hallway and stopped outside the first room. As soon as he was set, Nathaniel sprinted down the hall and took up position on the opposite side of the door. Their eyes met for an instant and they both nodded and Sammy turned and kicked down the door. Nathaniel jumped into the room and rolled right closely followed by Sammy to the left. They rolled to their knees, covering the room but it was empty. They repeated the process until they had cleared all of the rooms on the ground floor. Then, they sprinted up the stairs and began clearing rooms there. As they stood outside the last door catching their breath, Nathaniel nodded at Sammy that he was ready.
"Dude, I'm beat. You kick this one. I ain't sure I got another one in me." Nathaniel rolled his eyes but shrugged his shoulders. It made no difference to him, Sammy was the more muscular of the two so the door-kicking was just generally something he was better at. Turning towards the door he kicked with all his might and was across the threshold before the door hit the wall behind it. But as he tucked into his customary roll he felt a wave of warmth wash over him and felt himself being pushed by an invisible hand across the room. He hit the opposite wall and slumped to the floor, the breath knocked from his lungs. As he lay there on the floor gasping for oxygen, his eyes focused on the ceiling and his blood ran cold. The ceiling was covered with complicated glyphs that he recognized as the runes of power witches believed provided them with additional energy for their embedded magical devices. Then a familiar grinning face came into his vision and the fear changed to a cold anger.
"Sorry Nate-o Potato... but you have no idea how hard it is to get behind you!" Sammy was holding Nathaniel's caster in one hand and his own in the other, and they were both trained on Nathaniel's chest. "I always knew you were paranoid above and beyond the call of duty, but you didn't even trust your partner most of the time!" Nathaniel had finally caught his breath, but his head still felt woozy and numb. "Wha... are you doon?" he managed to gasp, the anger growing stronger as his mind struggled to grasp this turn of events. Sammy's grin widened and he shook his head. "Nope, I don't get to fill you in. I only get to be the one to bring you in." Sweeping one caster towards the open doorway he indicated a dark shape that had appeared there. His voice took on a reverential tone and he bowed his head slightly, "SHE - will have the pleasure of answering your questions..." he turned his head and winked at Nathaniel as if he were telling one of his favorite bawdy jokes, "...before you die."

Nathaniel sat in the chair, his arms restrained at his sides and his feet firmly locked together on the floor. Smoky green tendrils crawling about his arms and legs were the only evidence of the restraining spell the witch had cast on him. She sat cross-legged on the floor in front of him, her face hooded and her hands making intricate patterns with her hands in the air above her head. Her voice wavered hypnotically, and despite his anger and disgust Nathaniel found himself relaxing, his mind filled with pleasant memories and delicious aromas. He pushed against them, trying to recall all of the horrible atrocities committed by witches in the past century since the secrets of their magic had been revealed to the world. The struggle continued in his mind until at last he gasped with the effort and gave in. Beneath the black hood Nathaniel sensed a smile, and having been broken it warmed his heart to see it.
"Now Nathaniel Roman, give me your heart. Tell me your pain, reveal to me your soul." Her voice was soft and tremulous, and Nathaniel felt an overwhelming desire to please her at any cost.
"My mother told me that witches were to blame for all of the trouble in the world... she would stay up late at night braiding ropes from human hair to put around our beds. I never could sleep, I was too worried about being turned into a frog in my sleep." The hooded witch nodded and her sweet voice sounded in his ears, soothing away the tension summoned by the memory. "We have ever been misunderstood, and silly superstitions, instead of providing comfort and safety, only heighten the mystery. Tell me more."
Nathaniel nodded dreamily, and began reciting a disjointed and disorganized history of his life. Memories long banished flickered through his mind; his mothers hands, worked to bloody blisters washing dishes to earn a living; visiting his father's grave every Sunday morning and reciting prayers to ward off evil spirits - and witches. Each and every painful memory was soothed and healed by the witch until his recitation returned to the present. Nathaniel told of the fear and anger he felt when Sammy betrayed him. He showed her the image of Sammy standing over him with his own weapon, and she nodded understandingly.
"Yes, your Sammy had to do a harmful thing love... but he did it for me. And for you." Nathaniel nodded, pleasure washing over him as he allowed her to take the pain of betrayal. "Thank you my love..." he mumbled, a thin string of drool dripping off his chin and onto his shirt.
"You are very welcome Nathaniel. Now, let me tell you what you can do to repay me..."

Two weeks later, Nathaniel stood next to Sammy in full dress uniform. They stood at attention before a vast crowd as a distinguished looking man pinned medals to their lapels. He stepped back, and they both snapped a crisp salute, which the man returned.
"Congratulations men. The United Nations, and the citizens of the world thank you for your dedicated service." He dropped his salute and reached a hand out towards Sammy. The solemn face he had been wearing through the entire ceremony was suddenly replaced with his more normal grin. "Secretary General Gunn, we have something for you as well!" Gunn's face froze, and he tried to withdraw his hand but Sammy held it fast as Nathaniel stepped forward and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Sir, we come bearing a message from our Mistress, Lady Felula the one you know as Yolanda Rorshack. She wishes us to tell you, that your war against witches is over." Nathaniel placed his other hand in the middle of the Secretary General's chest. He looked down and finally understood when he saw the still healing sutures across the back of Nathaniel's hand. The sutures that were instant and incontrovertible proof that a person had allowed a witch to implant a spell caster inside his or her own body. The sutures that preceeded the side effects of a magical implant that made it so easy to spot a user of such prohibited technology: the green skin and enlarged nose covered with pre-cancerous warts. In the instant it took the Secretary General to finally understand what was happening, and just before his security detail could leap to seperate him from the two witch hunters, Nathaniel looked at Sammy, and grinned, "Well, Sammy, ready to die?"


© 2009 Tyler Willson. All rights reserved


Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Assignment: Witches (Continued)

Part two of what has turned into another three-part story. I had really hoped to finish it tonight, but at least I am making progress, right? Sorry Sand... I promise you will have it by Saturday. Until then - enjoy!


"See Sammy? How are they gonna send us in on a two-four-niner without any intel huh? You can't tell me that's just a snafu. Someone's got it in for us!" Nathaniel could feel the apprehension rising in his gut as he pondered the ramifications of the call.


"Shut up Nathaniel! Just shut up and get your head in the game, before you get us both kilt!" Sammy yelled, gripping the wheel even harder and staring straight ahead at the road. "How do you know they don't already have a platoon heading that way right now? They ain't gonna..." his voice faded off as he lost the words to express his thoughts.

A Code 249 meant an organized uprising by one or more covens. Not the normal kick down the door and decapitate the witches kind of mission; in these calls, the witches were already on the offensive and organized. And already fighting.


"Ain't gonna what Sammy? Ain't gonna send us into a situation where odds say we ain't gonna win? How much longer can we keep on defying those odds Sammy?" Nathaniel was livid now, not understanding why Sammy refused to see his point.


Suddenly, Sammy slammed the brakes to the floor, and the old van screeched to a halt, the loose witch heads in the back rolling around like soft bowling balls. Throwing the gearshift into neutral he rounded on Nathaniel, his face white and his finger quivering as he shook it in his face.


"You listen here you paranoid retard. We ain't been having nothing but a bad run of luck. Times are tough all over, and the witches are getting pretty tired of being hunted like animals. All of the Paranormal Assault teams are complaining that the work is getting harder and support is getting lighter. I am sick of listening to their whiny, pansy rants, and I ain't gonna sit here and let my own partner start whining like a pissy girl too. Now shut your piehole, recharge your caster, and loosen the grenades in your belt, cause when the shit gets hot I want to know that you are behind me one hundred percent, not standing around pissing your pants cause someone didn't tell you what to expect."


Nathaniel sat back, amazed at the depth of emotion his longtime partner was revealing. In all their years of chasing the rebellious witches he had never expressed anything but unwavering enthusiasm for the job, and an endless litany of stories that Nathaniel knew were ninety percent lies. No matter how crappy the work got, Sammy faced it with a grin and a smart-ass comment.


"All right Sammy, alright! Calm down, don't blow a gasket or anything. I was just wonderin aloud ya know? It just seemed weird to me is all. Don't know why you have to get so worked up over it!" Nathaniel was stunned, and starting to babble incoherently. Sammy's face was inches from his, and Nathaniel could smell the garlic on his breath as he tried to push himself backwards into the passenger door. He scrabbled behind him for the door handle, suddenly wishing to be anywhere but where he was.


Then, just as suddenly as it had started, it was gone. Sammy's face cracked into the familiar grin, and he sat back into the driver's seat and threw the van back in gear. The tires spun on the gravel road as he floored the accelerator and fishtailed back up to speed. "Had you goin' for a minute there didn't I Nato?" Sammy said, looking sideways at Nathaniel as he power slid around a corner. Nathaniel didn't move, still pressed up against his door with one hand on the door handle his brain was struggling to process what had just happened.


The nav box on the dash directed them to turn left at the next intersection, and Sammy yelled back at it joyfully, "You got it Miss Direction! Left turn on Merryweather Lane in one - point - five - miles. Can I have your number Miss Direction? You got the sexiest voice I ever heard from a lump of electronics..." It was an old joke, one which Nathaniel had heard Sammy yell at the box for years. Today for some reason, it rang ominously artificial in his ears. The corner approached, and Sammy threw the old van into yet another power slide which very nearly turned into a rollover when they skidded from the gravel road back onto pavement. The tires skipped across the cracked hardtop a couple of times, the van leaning sickeningly to the right then finally righting itself and with a last quick fishtail accelerated on up the road. Nathaniel was suddenly very aware that he wasn't wearing a seat belt and the thought finally overcame the paralyzing fear. He sat back in his seat and buckled up quickly as Sammy accelerated the van down the road.


"Hey Nato-Potato... I think I have a can of Red-Bull in the glove box, can you check and see for me?" Sammy asked, his voice so matter-of-fact and normal that Nathaniel began to wonder if the tantrum he had just witnessed was simply a figment of his imagination.


"Sure Sammy... just a sec." Nathaniel said, his voice tight and apprehensive. He opened the glove box and sure enough, an energy drink can rolled out and landed on the floor. He reached down and snagged it just before it rolled under the seat, and he held it out towards Sammy.


"Thanks Dude! I could use a pick-me-up just about now." Sammy reached for the can, but at the last second Nathaniel yanked it back. "Maybe you've had enough already Sammy. What's gotten into you all of a sudden?" Nathaniel asked, sure he would see the angry Sammy again. Instead, Sammy grinned even wider, and he looked over at Nathaniel long enough to wink. "Yeah, maybe you should drink it instead. You look like someone just took a dump on your grave! Go ahead, slam it!" Just then, the nav box signalled an upcoming right turn, and Sammy forgot all about the drink and returned to propositioning the lady in the box. Nathaniel watched and listened for a minute, before returning the can to the glove box. Sammy was still driving like a maniac, and was now giving the lady in the nav box a detailed (and mostly untrue) list of his more desirable traits. Nathaniel shook his head and pulled out his caster and started checking its charge, while continuing to watch Sammy out of the corner of one eye.


They saw the battle long before they even got near. A pall of gray smoke mingled with hints of green and yellow floated away on the still evening air. An occasional bolt of magical lightning would light up the smoke cloud as someone loosed a spell at an enemy.
"WooHoo Tater! Looks like a good 'un for sure!" Sammy said as soon as he saw the cloud. Nathaniel could only nod and check his caster one more time. He was still not sure where he stood with Sammy, and was loathe to set him off again right before what looked to be a serious battle. They were now winding through what was once a rather expensive neighborhood, though it was now utterly abandoned and gone to ruin. Most places of wealth and privilege had gone this way once the UN became the global authority. According to the news it was a sign of the progress made by the global government to eliminate class warfare and world poverty. What it really meant was a lot of really big houses for squatters to occupy.
Suddenly, Nathaniel sat up straight and started paying attention to the landscape around him.
"Hey, this is the old Hawthorne Heights neighborhood isn't it?" He asked Sammy, who was in the middle of a bawdy love song to the nav box. Sammy looked at him for a minute before answering, "Yeah, I guess so. Why? You never lived in a place this tony did you? I thought you grew up in the sticks." Nathaniel nodded, and peered closely at what numbers there still were on the fancy gates at the end of each driveway. "Yeah, I did. But Ma brought me up here one time to show me where Yolanda Rorshack lived. We even saw her bring her trash out to the sidewalk... I'll never forget that day." Sammy's grin widened as he watched Nathaniel's head crane to follow every dilapidated gate post and street sign they whizzed past. "Yo-LANDA RorSHACK?" Sammy asked incredulously. "You saw YoLANDA RorSHACK taking out the GARBAGE! You are my hero! Did you get to touch any of it? Wow! Did it smell like normal people garbage? Or did it smell like she had her own personal angel piss on it and make it smell like lilies?" Nathaniel's head jerked around as he finally heard the cutting sarcasm in Sammy's voice. His eyes narrowed and he pointed a stern finger at Sammy, "NEVER talk about her like that again! She was... IS God's own servant, sent here to comfort us poor souls and..." Sammy laughed derisively. "And to make a bazillion bucks off of mindless rubes like you and then disappear as soon as the world REALLY starts to suck! Yeah... pardon me for blaspheming her holy angel pissed-on garbage dude." Nathaniel was getting ready to get really mad when the radio squawked to life again.
"Para12, this is Command." Sammy grabbed the mike with one hand while power-sliding the van through another intersection. "Command, this is Para12, go ahead." Nathaniel sat there fuming as Sammy winked at him. "Para12, this is Command. What is your ETA to the Code 249?" the raspy voice of the dispatcher asked briskly. Sammy thumbed the mike, "'Bout five minutes or less Command. Got any new intel for us on the situation on site?" Nathaniel forgot all about his anger of a moment ago as he and Sammy both listened to the hiss of static on the channel waiting for an answer. "Para12, negative. The first units on scene are no longer responding. Last report was initial report of Code 249 event."

Nathaniel wanted badly to scream at Sammy that they should turn and run, that they were walking into a trap, that Command was purposely sending them to their deaths. But the memory of Sammy's angry face made him bite his tongue, even though Sammy's face was still covered with the usual goofy grin. Winking again at Nathaniel he thumbed the mike once more, "What about backup Command? How many other units are inbound?" The answer finally wiped the grin off of Sammy's face, "Para12... you are on your own."

(To be continued...)

© 2009 Tyler Willson. All rights reserved


Friday, October 2, 2009

Assignment: Witches

The next themed issue of the Piker Press will be a Witch themed issue on the 19th. It has been a while since I finished anything - my muse seems to have gone on another of her extended vacations and refuses to inspire me with anything to write at all. However, I try to never miss an assignment. So, turning once again to my substitute muse over at the Seventh Sanctum for a random story plot, by serendipitous coincidence I got the following as the first of five I generated:

The story is about a pessimistic witch-hunter who is obsessed with a religious musician. It starts in a world-spanning nation on a prairie planet. The critical element of the story is the revealing of an impostor. The fallout from the cold war plays a major role in this story.

Bring on the Witches!

Nathaniel Roman examined the blade of his sabre grimly and shook his head. "Well Sammy, ready to die?" Sammy grinned and with a bloodcurdling screech turned and kicked down the door of the darkened building. Immediately they were bathed in a sickly green glow as the spells of protection cast upon the door were banished by the pair's counter-curse. Ignoring the swirling clouds of dispelled magic they rushed into the room, each immediately hitting the floor and rolling in opposite directions. Bolts of green lightning seared the air where they had been only seconds before, digging jagged smoking holes in the walls behind them.
"Up the stairs! On the landing..." Sammy called out, and Nathaniel stopped moving long enough to point the device in his hand at the flicker of movement on the landing midway to the top of the grand staircase that dominated the entire room. Yellow light erupted from the device and Nathaniel was up and running for cover as the landing disintegrated with a deafening explosion. Sammy followed up with a shot from his own caster that destroyed what was left of the support structure for the staircase. Bolts of green lightning continued to streak across the room at the two hunters as the staircase collapsed entirely. Coughing through the dust and smoke, they grimly pressed their attack.
Pausing for a moment behind a marble column, Nathaniel tried to locate their target by watching for the source of the green lightning attacks. He groaned inwardly when he realized that there were multiple sources, and that he and Sammy were about to be cut off from retreat.
"Sammy! It's not just one... We've got a coven! Let's get out of here!" He pulled a grenade from his belt and threw it in an arch up and over the railing on to the balcony where he thought several of the witches were located.
"Grenade!" He screamed at the top of his lungs and turning ran towards the door, firing his caster wildly behind him. The whump of the explosion pushed him the last few feet through the door and across the broad porch. He attempted to leap to his feet, but still fuzzy from the explosion he fell down the stairs cursing each time he hit the ground. When his face finally plowed into the gravel driveway at the bottom of the stairs, he finally regained his footing and looked around.
"Sammy! Where are you?" he yelled, watching with dismay the smoke pouring out the doorway. Sammy had not made it out before the grenade went off!
Nathaniel ran back up the steps and back into the door, all attempts at caution now abandoned. The grenade had blown a hole through the high arched ceiling, and moonlight was now freely streaming through illuminating the grand foyer of the decrepit old mansion.
"Sammy! If you're dead I'm gonna kill you!" Nathaniel yelled, frantically kicking aside the rubble as he searched for his companion. Then, a voice from overhead startled him, and it was with great effort that he prevented himself from pulling the trigger on his caster in its direction.
"Hey! A little more warning next time Tater-head!" Sammy was trying hard to be angry, but Nathaniel could still hear the omnipresent grin through the sternness. He looked up to the balcony, and saw Sammy standing there with his sword dripping blood. In his other hand, he held three severed heads, the green skin and warty noses evidence enough of their crimes.
"How did you get up there?" Nathaniel yelled, relief washing over him. Sammy gestured with the severed heads, "I took the back stairs. Got to the top just in time for your little fireworks show. Next time, why don't you warn me BEFORE you throw the grenade!" Nathaniel grinned for an instant, then his pessimism returned. "Did we get them all? How do you know we are clear? What if there are more? You only have three! There are ten more..." Sammy interrupted. "We got all thirteen Nate, I just haven't headed 'em all yet. Get up here and help. You know how I hate this part." Nathaniel nodded and ran quickly to help.

As they drove back towards town Sammy kept up a running dialogue that Nathaniel mostly ignored. Instead he fiddled with the dial on the radio, looking for some music to listen to. Unfortunately, as was the case since the United Nations took control of the world's governments, there was nothing more than propaganda thinly veiled as news. Finally he punched the power button a bit harder than was actually necessary to turn it off and turned to Sammy. He tried for a few minutes to capture the thread of his conversation, but quickly gave it up as a bad enterprise. Sammy rambled far and wide, especially when he was talking to himself. Nathaniel decided to try and turn the conversation somewhere he could follow.
"Why do you figure that Intel told us that there was a lone witch, and we found a complete coven?" His question caught Sammy by surprise, and he halted his rambling diatribe for a few seconds to consider the ramifications of the question before answering.
"You know Nate, it ain't healthy to be questioning the folks at HQ. I'm sure they just got their wires crossed somewheres, or the witches found out somehow and called in reinforcements. That's all. You think too much Nater-Potater..." Sammy said, his broad grin covering for his nervousness. Nathaniel pondered this for a few seconds, and Sammy actually remained silent for once.
"But see, I would be able to dismiss it easier if it was an isolated incident. But remember last week? We get sent out to arrest a suspected sympathizer, and find ourselves in between two third-degree priestesses! It was a lucky thing that I was expecting the worst that day! Where would we have been if we had followed protocol for a non-magic arrest and left our casters back?" Sammy's grin was thinning, and Nathaniel could tell he was getting his point across. He pressed on, "And then we get paired up with them chuckle-heads last week that left us in the lurch. I know they said that HQ called them back at the last minute, but why didn't they call of the whole mission, 'stead of just pulling our backup as soon as we go hot?" Sammy's grin was gone now, and in its place a scowl of suspicion. "So what Nate - you going to go revo on me now? Gonna ditch this sweet gig and go underground with the rebs and insist that freedom is better than security? Maybe even join a coven and become a witch yourself?" Nathaniel recoiled from the sudden hatred in his friend's voice, "What's the matter Sammy? I didn't say none of that. I was just wonderin' why Intel is so bad lately, and why HQ seems to be settin' us up every time! Sheesh! There ain't no call to go..."
"Then drop it! Hear?" Sammy snapped, his eyes focused on the road and his fists clenched tightly to the wheel. Nathaniel just stared for a few seconds, his mind working methodically through the possibilities. He had not yet reached a conclusion when the radio on the dash squawked and came to life.
"Para12 this is Command. Respond." Sammy grabbed the mike with one hand and answered sharply, "Command this is Para12, go ahead." He looked sideways at Nathaniel as he spoke, the unexplained anger still plain on his face. "Para12 this is Command. Proceed to the coordinates on your nav immediately for a code 249." The color drained from Sammy's face and he turned to Nathaniel, all traces of anger gone. "Roger command, two-four-niner. Any further sitrep for us?" The silence as they both waited for a response was strained; finally the radio came back to life. "No intel at this time. Just go in hot. Command out."

(To be continued...)

© 2009 Tyler Willson. All rights reserved

Monday, August 31, 2009

Don't Feed the Trolls


“Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig.”
(Robert Heinlen)


So, my most recent story in the Piker Press is one of my favorites so far. I tried a couple of new things, and for the most part I belive I succeeded.
The story is called "On The Wagon", and is told from the point of view of Karl, a recovering alchoholic. Karl is speaking to his Alcoholics Anonymous group, and telling of the experience that drove him to get "On The Wagon". (Hat tip to Sand for the title - I suck at titles...)

I won't give up the ending, you have to read the story to get that. But the two new things I tried were:

1. To write the story completely in the voice of the main character. No other characters speak, and there is no narrative voice.
2. To have a character who uses a specific dialect to more clearly portray his background and personality.

The first part went well. Even without a narrative voice or any formal exposition at all, the story is clearly portrayed. That part wasn't too hard, and it was good exercise for my "Show Don't Tell" muscles. (They tend to be weak and flabby. This is good during NaNoWriMo when taking three pages to explain a coming of age ceremony is a good thing. Bad when people actually begin to try and read your work!)
But the dialect... Dialects are hard for me. I tend to be obsessive about spelling, grammar, and punctuation, so having a character who uses a different dialect gives me a headache. Especially with Karl. I wanted Karl to be a redneck. It may have had something to do with watching old episodes of "My Name is Earl" while writing, but I think it had more to do with basing Karl on a character from the play "Greater Tuna".
I had to keep on reminding myself to misspell things, and to insert double-negatives and all kinds of redundant filler. It took a couple of re-writes before I sent it to the editor of the Piker Press for consideration.
Even then, Sand (the aforementioned editor) kicked it back with the advice that a few of my phrases were "out of character with Karl's vernacular" and that I ought to take a look at them. She also agreed with me that the ending left much to be desired. (The first ending was an attempt to weasel out of coming up with an ending at all - which is no way to end a story...)

So, a couple more re-writes later I felt much better about Karl's vernacular and Sand agreed. The story was published as part of the special "Alien Issue" of the Press, and I felt pretty good about how it came out.

Then, the Anonymous poster showed up. First of all, let me say that I normally avoid feeding trolls. I usually assume that the kind of people who get their jollies by anonymously posting inflammatory remarks around the 'Net are not worth my time. And I hate to encourage them. You can't win. However...

This comment appeared in the comments section after my story:

Anonymous
08/26/2009
05:09:26 PM

Very cute tale. A few thoughts. First, this character would not use the words “bizarre,” “espresso,” “rhythm,” “emanatin’,” “skeptical,” or “ridicule.” Instead, it could be “crazy,” “thet fancy Starbrothers coffee,” “music beat,” “shootin’ out of it,” “think I’m touched in the head,” “makin’ fun o’ me.” Also, you have to capitalize Kleenex because it’s a brand name. tissue would be lowercase. Well-done dialect too.

At first glance, I was simply baffled. What? Did I write Karl so badly that I went right past "My Name is Earl" and landed smack dab in the middle of "Deliverance"? Had this person ever spoken to a redneck? Was he REALLY saying I should have used the phrase: "thet fancy Starbrothers coffee" instead of the word: "espresso"?

And if indeed, Karl was backwoods enough not to use the word "rhythm" then why in the heck would he care if his kleenex was capitalized or not? Karl just wanted something to blow his nose on. In fact, I suppose, given Anonymous' opinion of Karl, I should have had him just blow a snot rocket on the podium. The heck with facial tissue!

I responded rather snarkily I suppose, although I forced myself to not compose the entire epistle I had in mind. (I have saved that for you, Dear Faithful Reader!) Mostly due to my sneaking suspicion that this was a troll who was simply looking to start a fight, I simply asked if he was serious about the "Starbrother's" thing, and if he had not heard of the concept of a "Genericized Trademark". (I suppose I saw those two as the most egregiously patronizing of his suggestions.)

I was most bothered by the fact that he seemed to think that he knew Karl so much better than I. After spending all of one evening with him at the AA meeting, he was ready to judge Karl and relegate him the the unwashed hillbillies of backwoods Arkansas. And the fact that he would actually feel that an uncapitalized word was important enough to even bring up.

Don't get me wrong. I love feedback on my writing. Notice earlier in this very account, when I so gladly took the advice of my editor and made revisions to my story. So why did this Anonymous poster give me such pause?


I waited all weekend long before responding again. During this time, several of my fellow Pikers came to my defense and tried to point out to Anonymous how obnoxious and grating his critique was. This should have been further evidence of the fact that he was either a troll or a real-life literary snob. He shrugged off any suggestion that his suggestions were off, and instead accused his detractors of personal attacks. Never giving an inch, he finally made a statement that made me understand his entire motivation:

"re-read the story and replace certain words with my suggestions. if you can't see an improvement, then you're not reading carefully."

Anonymous had no intention of helping me improve my story. He wanted to remake it in his own image. He was utterly convinced that all my story needed to be better was to let him re-write it. Then, it would be so much better.


Really...


So, my commitment to let the troll starve went out the window. I foolishly took the bait and responded yet again. This time I clearly identified myself as the author; I was not sure if he recognized me as such, since I had earlier posted under a pseudonym. (I thought he would recognize me as the author despite the pseudonym due to some earlier comments I had responded to under that monniker. But I guess his talent lies more along the lines of spotting words that rednecks don't use and un-capitalized trademarks.)

I composed what I felt to be a well-thought out statement of why his comments had been taken so badly by myself and other readers. I conceded that perhaps I had not been entirely successful in portraying Karl's background through his dialect, but that his suggestions for change were nothing more than his opinion that he could do the character better than me. Also, I pointed out that he had misspelled my name. (Just to show that I can point out ticky-tacky mistakes too.)


Well, I won't bore you with the details of his response. You probably have already guessed how it went. Instead of accepting that he might have been mistaken just a tiny bit, I got a long lecture on how I should take criticism better. And how I should be glad that he was willing to re-write my story for me, since then it would be so much better.


So, lesson learned. Not that I will be looking for Anonymous' advice before I submit my next story. Not that I am going to go back and re-write Karl as some sort of brain-damaged inbred hill-billy. Or even that I will begin capitalizing the word 'kleenex'.

I learned the lesson that I knew from the beginning:


Don't Feed the Trolls. Sorry Anonymous - no more free chicken for you.





© 2009 Tyler Willson. All rights reserved


Tuesday, August 25, 2009

On the Wagon - In the Press

Remember that story a few weeks ago about Karl and his alien encounter? Well, it has been polished up and published in the Piker Press.

And as promised, I have re-written the ending so that it is... well, an ending.

Enjoy!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Hi, my name is Karl...

This piece was written specifically for submission to the Piker Press for the Alien-themed issue on August 24th. As usual, this is the rough draft exactly as it flowed from my brain so expect some, well, roughness. The ending especially. I am going on record right now saying that a re-write of the ending is more than a little likely. Suggestions are welcome! Other than that, a pretty fun piece.


Have Fun!





Hello. My name is Karl, and I’m an alcoholic. I have been dry for three weeks now, though I did have a close call the other day with a half-empty I found under my bed. Thank heaven I made it to the bathroom and dumped it in the toilet before I lost the strength. I decided to come up here tonight and tell you all how I finally gave up the bottle.


It’s hard for me to say, because a lot of people laugh at me when I tell ‘em this story but I have come to love you guys like the family I ain’t never had, and I feel like I can tell you guys.

See, I was down by the creek watchin’ the fish jump... and I was spending some quality time with my buddy Mogen David (if y’all know what I mean...) I liked watchin’ the fish jump. It makes me feel good knowin’ that they are still alive after that horrible spill at the plant. Also, the cops hardly ever come down there for the smell. So I could sit there and get bombed out of my skull, and nobody would hassle me about public drunkenness or nudity or anything. (I did tell you guys about how being drunk also made my skin real sensitive?)


Well, I was well into my third bottle of Mad Dog when the lake got real quiet. The fish stopped jumpin’ and everything. I felt a little chill, which was weird cause I was still wearing my shirt at this point, and I was wearing my good boxers which are made of real heavy cotton so they normally keep me warm. I looked out over the creek, and even the water in the creek seemed to have stopped. I know it’s kinda hard to tell whether it’s flowin or not under that foamy stuff, but I couldn’t hear the normal gurgles and splashes of the creek sliding over the old car bodies anymore.


The sudden quiet and chill made me so nervous that I killed that bottle right then and there, and realized that it was my last. I was normally pretty good at timing my drinking so that I passed out before the booze was gone, but here I was conscious and nothing more to drink. And it was three more days before food stamp day, at least two of which I had planned to sleep through here by the creek. I started thinking of who I could bum some money off of to get just one more bottle and I stood up and started walking back up the trail towards the road. Before I got far, I heard the sound.


Now, before I go any further, I need to warn you – this next part get’s kind of bizarre. I know y’all have been here before and you will understand. But even so, in all my years of being a drunk, I never had anything like this happen to me. It was just so real! Most of the hallucinations I had while drunk were the normal kind, six-foot rabbits in bikinis trying to seduce me, the fire hydrant outside the bar telling my fortune. The kind of thing you laugh about when you sober up you know? But there ain’t nothing funny about what happened that night. I am getting some goose bumps just thinking about it.


Someone got a smoke I can bum? I just need something to calm my nerves enough to finish my story. Thanks brother, I will get you back next week when I get my paycheck.


That’s much better. I know, I’m just transferrin’ my addiction, but a man’s gotta have a crutch while his broken bone is mending right? There’s no way I can go back to drinking now anyway. Not after what happened after I stood up and started heading back to town.


That’s when I heard the sound. It was kindly like a cross between a whine and a rattle, like a car with squeaky brakes and worn out shocks going over the railroad tracks. Only it kept rising and falling, getting louder then quieter. I stopped to listen, and whether I was paralyzed by fear or hypnotized by the rhythm I can’t tell you now. All I know was that I froze like a statue. My back was to the creek, and I was about ten feet from the treeline. It was long past sundown, and the moon wasn’t up yet so it was pretty dark. But all of a sudden, I could make out every leaf on every tree. It was a strange light, just like the sound. You know how a spotlight looks? Like you can tell where it’s coming from? Even if you are scrunched way down on the floorboards of your car you know the light is coming from the cop car? This wasn’t like that at all. Everything was light as day, but there were no shadows, no way of telling where the source of the light was. And it had an odd purple tint to it, not enough to paint everything purple, just enough to be noticeable. Then the sound got real loud, like it was real close. I realized that it was coming from right behind me and I got the strength to turn around and look.


Give me a second brothers and sisters. I got to take a minute. This is the worst part. My hands are shaking so bad right now I can barely drink my coffee. Did they replace the coffee with espresso or something? Huh? Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood a bit. This next bit is the hardest to remember, let alone tell. Bear with me. I got to tell it, cause it’s been eatin’ me up inside and if I don’t get it out it’s gonna drive me back to drink.


So I turn around to look, and I see it. I know lots of folks call ‘em flying saucers, but this thing didn’t look like no saucer to me. Mebbe a hubcap off of some fancy car with all the chrome spokes and spinny things like kids have nowadays, but with some other weird stuff hanging off all over it. Whatever you want to call it, it was just hoverin’ there over the creek. Makin’ it’s weird noise and that weird light kind of, what you call it? Emanatin’ from it. Like I said, there dint seem to be any one source for the light, it just kind of... yeah, emanated from it. I wanted to run, wanted to run bad but my legs was paralyzed again. I just stood there, watchin it rotate slowly and kind of bobble up and down a bit.


I ain’t ashamed to tell you folks right now, that the only thing on my mind at that moment was another bottle of Mad Dog. I mean, I needed something to calm my nerves quick, and I wasn’t even really sure that my buddy Mogen had what I needed right then, mebbe something stronger even. Some of that expensive stuff that I don’t normally get to drink. Just when I thought I couldn’t get any scareder, just when I thought I was going to pass out from holdin’ my breath while my heart was poundin’ a thousand beats a minute, a door opened in the side of the thing.


I see a couple of you out there are looking a bit skeptical. Henry, if you want to laugh, you ain’t gotta hide it behind your hand. I can hear just fine. That bad batch of moonshine messed with my vision not my hearing. Like you ain’t never had a bad time before you got on the wagon. I heard some stories about you, so you can just knock it off right now. I got to tell this story before it drives me insane, so if you can’t control yourself, just go take a smoke break outside or somethin’. Cause I’m gonna tell my story and I don’t give a hoot who believes it.


I said the door opened up, but that ain’t exactly the way to describe it. You know, in our world doors open up and swing out, or in, or even up or down sometimes like a doggy door. Or they’ll slide off to one side like them automatical doors down to the Krogers. But this door just kindly... umm, well it just kindly opened up. I can’t really describe it too good. One second there was a smooth spot on the side of the... umm... the thing and the next there was big square hole in the side with more of that weird purple light streaming out. That’s when... that’s when...


Whyn’cha just leave Henry! Get out, and take that floozy Tara with you! I thought you guys were my friends, that we could share our stories with each other without judgement and without ridicule. Ain’t that the rules? Marsha? Dint you tell me those was the rules here? We sat here for hours last week listening to Henry whine and whine about how he misses going to the racetrack and I didn’t say a single word. I din’t complain when Tara whined about how she can’t hardly find a date now that she can’t go into the bars anymore. Who wants to date you anyway you used up old...


Sorry Marsha. I just got a bit worked up. You are right. I just been havin a hard time this week. You always say that the third week is the worst, that I jus gotta hang on for one more day. When I decided to tell this story to y’all tonight, while I was dumping that half-empty bottle down the toilet that was what I looked forward to to get me the strength finish. So you can understand if’n I get a bit touchy about that big mouth... no, sorry Henry. I won’t call you anymore names. You been a good friend to me. Until tonight anyway. Mebbe you are having some trouble of your own.


OK Marsha, I will finish my story. Whether Henry and Tara laugh or not, cause I need to get this out and I don’t care what they think about it.


So that’s when it happened. I don’t know for sure how I got on board, I don’t remember moving or walking or anything, but just like the door – one second I’m standing there in the purplish light on the bank of the creek, and the next I’m standin on a smooth floor in a round room. I know how crazy it sounds, but it was just like being in an elevator, only instead of square it was round. I was still paralyzed, whether with fear or with some kind of brain control ray or somethin’ I can’t tell. But I stood there staring at the wall in front of me and feeling that feeling in the pit of my stomach like you get in an elevator. These lights on the wall in front of me even looked like the buttons in an elevator, flashing on and off one at a time from bottom to top.


I just stood there paralyzed and trembling. I had heard stories like this before, but just like you Henry, I laughed them off. I could never believe that little green men in flying saucers came to earth and kidnapped folks. I mean, what for? But here I am, and for all I know it’s happenin’ to me. I tried to remember all of the stories I had heard, about people getting stuff poked into ‘em, having experiments done on ‘em and stuff but pretty soon I realized that was just makin’ me more scared. So I tried to calm myself down. It must have worked pretty good, cause in a minute I could start to move again. I turned in a circle, lookin around me and tryin to figger out what was happenin. Then I saw them.


Henry, I forgive you for being an arrogant arse. No, really. Were I in your seat I would be laughing just as hard as you. Don’t worry about it. I understand.


The little guys were only about three feet tall, and their skin was the same purple color of the light that filled the ship. The were’nt wearin anything as far as I could tell, but mebbe their spacesuits were just really tight or somethin’ like that. Anyway, they was just standin’ there watchin’ me. We stood there like that for what seemed like hours, just starin’ at each other. I must have really been feeling calmer now, cause all of a sudden I got the urge to just stick out my hand to ‘em like Grandma taught me. “Karl” she used to say, “if’n you’re feelin shy, just reach out your hand and say: Howdy” So that’s what I did. I said “Howdy” and stuck out my hand. I must have scared the little buggers though, cause they all jumped and started running around like crazy little ants. Openin’ little doors in the walls and pulling weird lookin’ tools out and wavin’ ‘em at me. Not in a threatenin’ way, but kind of like the bailiff waves the metal detector wand thingy at ya’ when ya’ have to go in the courthouse. Then, while I was watchin’ one aim a camera-lookin thing at me, another one snuck up behind me and poked me with a needle or something. I never did get a look at what he stuck me with, but I’ve had plenty of shots down to the free clinic in town, and I know what it feels like!


After that, I don’t remember anything else. I woke up on the bank of the creek and the sun was shinin’ and the birds were singing and the fish were jumpin again. It was like none of it happened at all.

Now, I know what y’all are thinking. That good ole Karl just had another bender, and that he passed out and slept it off on the banks of the creek and had a bad dream.

And you know, for a few hours, that was what I told myself too. That it was all a dream. That I just needed some “hair of the dog” to make it all disappear again. I thought that so much that I decided that I would wander down to the Krogers and see if I could steal a bottle or two and do just that. I did manage to lift a couple of bottles of Boones, not really as what I needed, but the idea was to get drunk again, and if I slammed them fast enough they just might do it. That was when I discovered what those nasty little purple men had done to me!


Henry, one day you are going to be having a crisis. You will be staring down a bottle of booze and considerin’ whether to stay on the wagon or not. And you are gonna need a friend to call. Well, don’t worry bout callin me, cause I won’t answer. If I do, I’ll go ahead and tell you to drink it. Cause you got no sympathy whatsoever. No Marsha, I ain’t gonna back off this time. Henry has made one too many smartass comments while I been up here bearin my soul to you guys. I ain’t takin it no more. I’m leavin.


Nope.


You can’t talk me out of it. I’m outta here. I’ll take my chances with the bottle on my own. Y'all can call me when Henry and that wilted flower with him aren’t here and I’ll think about coming back. The rest of you...


Good night.


© 2009 Tyler Willson. All rights reserved